Sashay Magazine / March 2010 / Gettin the Tech Outta There!

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Gettin the Tech Outta There!

Perplexed by my planned agenda, I mulled over the long list of color-coded reminders of what was scheduled for the day. This sun-filled Wednesday in April, 2010 didn’t seem any different from any other, but something was amiss. It’s 9:21 am and I’m usually running late, tripping over the dog, tormented by my never-ending search for keys in the dark abyss I call my purse. The previously, undertaken 13-year ritual of running to the door with coffee in hand, fashion-coordinated clutch and eco-friendly sack would now be over. I gripped my survival kit filled with raisin toast, two fat-free JELL-O packs, two mini-Twix candy bars, a diet-Pepsi, and a note to self, ‘You must start eating more healthily’. Realizing that the schedule had been dismantled, I grabbed my itinerary and reminded myself that my long-lost search for keys was over. I had decided to make a change.

On this particular morning, I would be in new surroundings. I would meet my new colleagues. Nervously contemplating, I wasn’t sure if this was going to be the perfect arrangement or if my new space would be totally compatible for my neurotic self. I took a deep breath and decided it was time. At 9:30 am I stroll into my new, dimly lit area. I looked around to an empty desk set aside with all the essentials and noticed an empty trash can awaiting my cluttered array of scribbled notes. A gripping feeling came over me as I envisioned an area roped off. Maybe it was a way to give me a sense of ownership to this new position or the hope that I would learn how to maneuver this new 21st Century cost-effective way of living. I sat down and it appeared that all eyes were upon me. Uncertainty loomed and, at first, there was silence. I made a few phone calls and checked my appointments. Then at 10 am, my normal routine began as I rummaged through my bag to open my first snack. This daily ritual of heating up once-toasted raisin bread in the office microwave was by far one of my favorites since it was the only thing in the bag that showed sustenance. As I sat back down to work, the aroma of my morning snack brought me back to my usual routine. Everything was fine until I realized that I had become the most popular snacker in the office. I swirled around in my chair only to hear a yelp. Oops, I dropped my toast and gulp…Yes, my first friend at the office swooped up my toast in a single bound. She’s a loyal soul, but I guess has a weakness for the savory smell of fresh-baked bread. My last thoughts, ‘I wonder who’s going to be the boss in this office?’

Realizing that this was quite an offensive act, my newfound office buddy scurried off to hide. I looked around, puzzled, and realized that although I could be upset this was going to be a normal routine I had to be aware of or I’d never eat. It probably won’t be the biggest problem I’ll have; after all, it seemed like this new office was going to have all kinds of new adventures. My dream had finally come true. I had ditched corporate America for a trip to my home office filled with a computer, webcam…and well, two of my new office colleagues, Sissy and Lucy. Sissy, a beauty with white-silk hair, is a Maltese rescue with a few psychological problems. She’s sort of an introvert and has extreme social anxiety. Oh, and Lucy is a beauty as well! She would want me to say that! No favorites in this office. Lucy is a Shih Tzu who will be the first to let you know that her role is to lick you to death. As she looks for attention, she showcases her lovable side dancing in circles on two feet. I think I counted up to a hundred once and she was still dancing.

So here I am with my new job and my newest colleagues. Wow, now I know I will never be alone. And even if I forget to stop for lunch, Sissy and Lucy will be the first to remind me that it’s time to take a stroll. So corporate America, watch out! We are getting the tech outta there and hittin’ the home office for a not-so-usual 21st Century pecking order!